Friday, July 11, 2008

Depressed

Do you ever have those days where you just want to crawl in a hole and not come out? I do, I definitely do! I am pretty sure it is called depression! I have never been diagnosed and don't struggle with it often, but sometimes I do get really down on myself and my life, the grass always seems greener, but most of the time, it is not!. I think it is hereditary, a lot of my family suffers from it, some admit it, some don't!

I am feeling that way this morning. I am feeling lonely and sad. I want to cry, but will not let myself. I was starting to let it get to me, when BG encouraged me, probably without even knowing it. I had told him I was going to go running earlier this morning and then hadn't gone by the time he was leaving. He was reminding me to tell his mom that I was going running (she is coming over for some on the job training) and I told him I wasn't going. He simply asked why! That got me going! Running is so good for depression, it really helps me to clear my mind and get it out of my system. Some people sulk, some people threaten suicide, some people actually go through with it. Not me, I can't let it get to me. I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband that depend on me! I have to be here for them. I think we all struggle with it in one way or another, but what defines us is how we handle it.

I am sad that I have to go back to work on Monday, I am sad that I have rocked my families boat once again, I am sad that I hurt one of my friends deeply, I am sad that I am still not connected to my church family like I want, I am sad that my baby body is still hanging around, I am sad that I turn to food when I hurt, I am sad.

But, I am running, and that makes me happy! It makes my kids happy! It helps with a lot of the things that make me sad! So I will go push myself during my run, and when I am done, I will feel better!

How is that for transparency!

3 comments:

Becca in Texas said...

I am so sorry you are having that kind of day. I love you very much. I will pray that God shows you some encouragement today.

Jar full of Jackie said...

You hit he nail on the head, E. I've been in a funk for this week and pretty much a good while...in fact, I drafted a blog about it. I'm so thankful you're brave enough to own it and be transparent. I'm not as transparent.....

Hugs and much love...

Woz said...

Sorry to hear you are feeling blue. Hope you enjoy your last weekend at home with your family before heading back to work.