On Mother's Day

I had a fabulous Mother's Day thanks to my wonderful husband! It was so relaxing and calm and at the same time, I got a lot done. One thing that I did was go to the grocery store, which is my Sunday tradition. SD loves going to the store, so a lot of times I take her with me. She is usually pretty good and helps me put the groceries on the belt to pay for them. At the first grocery store (I go to three each week) she wanted to ride in the basket that has space for extra kids. Since I only had her, I told her that we didn't need that one since we didn't have Linus and that we were going to use the regular basket. She started to throw a fit of course! I calmly told her that I was using the regular basket and going inside and that if she wanted to come with me, she was welcome to, if not, she could stay outside! She quickly got in the basket and that was the end of the fit. I was really proud of how calm I remained and how the fit was quickly nipped in the bud! As we were walking in, a nice man told me good job! I know it seems small and it probably no big deal to him, but it totally made my day!!! For the most part we use the concepts taught in Love & Logic, but our parenting class is talking about first time obedience. We are trying to work on the first time obedience, but I think that it can be used in conjunction with Love and Logic! I do think that using Baby Wise when they were little did set the stage, but I like how we give them choices now and put the responsibility on them, which I think lines up with the Bible!

Baby Wise & A Big Girl Bed

So SD has been in a "big girl" bed now for almost two months. I thought we had been fairly successful in the transition and for the most part, we have. But....lately she has been getting out of her bed two or three times when we first put her down, I think she is just stalling. We would go back in there and put her back in her bed and she would get out one or two more times. BG and I talked about it and I said we should just leave her in there crying and if she ended up falling asleep on the floor, then so be it. That is what Baby Wise would tell you. Against my better judgement, I did not follow my own advice. I am an idiot, I know. So instead, we tried...

1. Going in there and putting her back in bed and telling her to stop
2. Spanking her when she got out of bed (which I did, but hated because it was the last thing I did before putting her to bed and it just broke my heart)

So, finally last night, I decided to listen to my smart self and let her cry it out! That is how we trained her, doing Baby Wise, to cry it out and self soothe and it worked, so why wouldn't it this time. The thing is, it is way easier said than done! So last night, I put her down and she got out of bed a couple of times. Twice I went in there and spanked her and put her back in bed. The last time, I let her cry it out. And cry she did. She was at her door, I swear to you with her mouth at the bottom, crying. Then just to twist the knife in my heart, she kept repeating, "Momma Coming." It just about killed me, the only thing that kept me from going in there was I was trying to finish something. So after about 15-20 minutes of it, she climbed back in her bed (I could hear her burying her head on her pillow and the muffled sound of her crying) and went to sleep. She woke up once in the middle of the night, but I don't think she was even awake. I told BG when we went to bed that I wanted to go check on her and make sure she was in her bed and covered up. I resisted, but when I went in there when she woke up she was still in her bed and covered up, her eyes weren't really even open.

So all of that to say that I hope it worked last night and we won't have to go through it again. She woke up chipper and happy this morning and didn't seem to hold it against me that I let her cry for 20 minutes. I hope and pray that she has learned her lesson and I won't have to do it again. On a side note, I don't think spanking works for her, it just doesn't seem to be an effective way to punish her. We will see though, putting her in her room for "time out" seems to work fairly well. The next step is a time-out chair in a very boring place in our house, the dining room!

Positive Parenting

My boss has a son who is a JR in HS and is starting the whole college process. My boss has taken him to some testing facility to see what he would be good at, he has been looking at all of these college books, trying to find the best college for his skill set, etc. All of this has gotten me thinking about how my parents handled my college experience.

My parents were very strict with me on most things, something I truly appreciate now that I am an adult. But college was a different story. For some reason, I knew that college was not really an option, but just something you did after high school, although my parents never actually told me that. When I was in HS, I started the whole college process, applying to schools, taking the SAT, etc. My parents never put pressure on me, I never took a prep course, and they didn't hound me to finish my applications. I was never stressed about college, not once, and I think it is because my parents did not stress about it. I think children feed off of their parent's stress without even realizing it (poor SD). When I had chosen a school, my mom took me to go visit. The visit was so much fun and it felt like I was there with a friend, not my mom. She just went along with it, didn't get nosy and intrusive when we met with the advisor, she didn't try and find out the "right" dorm for me to be in, or get worried about where I would park and how close my classes would be to each other. She didn't even suggest majors or fields at all.

Now that I am a parent, there are definitely things that I choose to do differently than my parents and things that I do the same. Our children's minister always says that a parent's job is to get their child ready to leave the nest. I think my parent's mastered this (sometimes they might think they too good of a job with me on this). They have always let me make my mistakes and were there to catch me when I fell, but didn't say "I told you so." They let me follow my heart and make my own decisions, even when they knew it was the wrong one. I will be forever grateful to them for this and I hope and pray that I will be able to do the same for SD and Linus.

The Benefits of Babywise

I know that some people think that this way of thinking is flat out crazy! And to some degree, I do think that it is a little overboard, but the concept works. Basically you get your kid on a 3 hour schedule when they are itty bitty. It goes something like this: Eat, play and then an hour and a half after they eat, you put them down for a nap. They should hap for 1 1/2 hours and then wake up happy. It of course works best when they actually sleep for the entire nap time. As they get older, you start dropping naps and they start sleeping longer at each nap and their feeding schedule gets more in line with what you actually do, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack. We started this with SD when she was a week old, at least the feeding part. It was really hard at first, BG had to hold her while she was crying so that she wouldn't try to start feeding. Then when I would put her down for a nap, I would have to let her cry it out, again, very hard. The book says you should leave them for at least 10 minutes at a time, if not longer. I would let her cry and then if she was out of control, I would rock her or something. You can tell their cry though and what it means after a while.

So, you are wondering, why am I talking about this now? Well, even though it was really hard in the beginning, we are STILL reaping the benefits of that training. SD pretty much knows when she goes to sleep, both for naps and at night, and is relatively pleased to be put in her bed. Even if she doesn't go right to sleep, she usually just talks or sings to herself in bed until she does go to sleep. It is not a struggle to get her down at night (unless she has had horrible naps). I saw this play out first hand this weekend. On Sunday, I put her down for a nap, knowing that she should probably sleep for 3 hours. Well, Roscoe barked at someone walking down the street and woke her up after 45 minutes. She was screaming and carrying on, but I knew that 45 minutes was not going to cut it (we had a big day on Saturday)! So, I left her in there, she cried for about 15-20 minutes and then went back to sleep and slept for another 2.5 hours (until 5 pm). She was SOOOOO happy when she got up, she was a true joy to be around. Then, she went to bed at 8 like normal and slept this morning until 7:30. Again, this morning, super happy girl! If I would have let her get up after 45 minutes, she would have been a bear and would have had a really hard time going to be last night. It is a weird concept, but sleep does promote sleep.

***Disclaimer*** I don't think this book is for everyone. I think the concept would pretty much work for any kid (because you are basically training them), but I don't think it is for every parent. I think the success has to do with the parent. I have a friend who does not use it because it stresses her out more that they are not following the schedule than if they are not on a schedule. I don't think it is the be all, end all, but if it works for your personality, you should try it. I know this is a very controversial topic. I have friends who have done it and friends who haven't, but you will find that people who do it and stick to it, swear by it! I have a friend at work who pretty much thinks it is cruel and unusual punishment, but he is not a rules follower in general, so it doesn't fit his personality. Hopefully I have not scared SD for life, but I am pretty sure that I haven't :)

I am not looking forward to the hard work of the beginning phase with Linus, but it will be nice to have evidence of the results in SD to keep me disciplined!